By Gloria Dulan-Wilson
Twenty days ago, a dear friend made his transition to Ancestor/Angel: John "Jack" Dawkins. I've been trying to deal with it ever since. I know his family is likewise having a tough time dealing with the loss of this terrific brother - and I shouldn't say "loss" - because in spirit, nothing is ever lost from us, we always have the essence and the wonderful memories with us, no matter what.
1) This first one is actually one of the last emails I received from him: November 19, 2015
Sent from my iPhone Subject: Fwd: The Darwin’s Are Out!!!!
For any of you needing reassurance about human nature …
The Darwin’s Are Out!!!!
Yes, it's that magical time of year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the "least evolved" among us .
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And Now, The Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family.... unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
They walk among us; they can reproduce. And they can actually vote!!!! Be on guard!!!!!!
2) I received this one from John in October 2015:
Does this bring back good childhood memories for you?
What was your favorite thing to do as a child?
Share with friends and family, take them for a ride down memory lane.
3) I received this Joke Of The Day in August 2015. I've heard Joel Osteen use it as a joke several times as well.
man on his Harley was riding along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head,
and in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic.Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking;
the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something
that might possibly be of more help to mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels
inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when
she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
4) Jack was always ahead of his time in spotting innovative ideas and concepts - check this out!
5) This next one from Jack will having you laughing so hard you will hurt yourself:
The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I
went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists'
Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a
teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.
The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"
Being I'm a senior citizen...I guess the Pharmacist just went along with
me, and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue
and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit
it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now,
does that taste sweet to you?"
The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous
look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"
So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief!
My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"
Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care though,
because; they aren't very friendly there anyway
6) The following one was hilarious, because it was so true for those of us of a certain generation:
Most of our generation over 50+ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways. These are some of.
the lessons we've learned that have lasted for a lifetime:
the lessons we've learned that have lasted for a lifetime:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!"
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.
25. My father taught me about JUSTICE . "One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you!"
This was only sent to the over 50 crowd because the youngerones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our parents…
7) Okay this is the last one I'll share -
1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man
is a shame, two is a law firm,
and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper
you are uninformed,
if you do
read the newspaper you are
misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And
suppose you were a member of
Congress. But then I repeat
myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a
man standing in a bucket and
trying to lift himself up by the
handle. --Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on
the support of Paul. -- George
6. A liberal is someone who feels a
great debt to his fellow man, which debt he
proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon
7. Democracy must be something
more than two wolves and a sheep
voting on what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civil
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a
transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-- Douglas Case,
Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University ..
9. Giving money and power to
government is like giving whiskey
and car keys to teenage boys.
-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction,
through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense
of everybody else. -- Frederic
Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850)
11. Government's view of the
economy could be summed up
in a few short phrases: If it
moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it
stops moving, subsidize it.
--Ronald Reagan (1986)
12. I don't make jokes.I just watch
the government and report the
facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is
expensive now, wait until you
see what it costs when it's free!
-- P. J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government
consists of taking as much
money as possible from one
party of the citizens to give to
the other. --Voltaire (1764)
15. Just because you do not take an
interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest
in you! -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or
property is safe while the
legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain (1866)
17. Talk is cheap, except when
Congress does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's
alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no
responsibility at the other.
-- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is
the unequal sharing of the blessings.The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a
tax man and a taxidermist is that
the taxidermist leaves the skin.
21. The ultimate result of shielding
men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English
22. There is no distinctly Native
American criminal class, save
Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are
more unemployed politicians
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is
strong enough to take everything
you have. -- Thomas Jefferson
25. We hang the petty thieves and
appoint the great ones to public
office. -- Aesop
FI VE BEST SENTENCES
1. You cannot legislate the poor into
prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without
working for, another person must
work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to
anybody anything that the
government does not first take
from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by
5. When half of the people get the
idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the
beginning of the end of any nation!
Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?
Neither could I.
ONE LAST ONE:
Nothing is worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Bad decisions make good stories.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night
more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile
because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent
a driver from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can
wear them forever.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first
helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize
that their brain is also important.
I PROMISE - THIS IS MY LAST, LAST, LAST JACK DAWKINS FOR THIS BLOG!!
ARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is often unexpected.
For example:1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.3. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.5 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.8. In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.16. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.Finally :
(If you're not bent over with laughter, there is something seriously wrong with your funny bone)I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.And my personal favorite:"I am not arguing with you! I am explaining why you are wrong!!
Thanks so much Jack Dawkins for brightening so many, many dark days with that wonderful humor of yours - That's why they called you to the Ancestor/Angels - things were obviously getting a little dull up there.
NOTE TO LU RABBLE:
I have to admit, it took me a long time to decide which ones to select. In 2015 alone, I received nearly 550 emails from Jack Dawkins. Throughout the next year, from time to time, when I'm having a Jack Dawkins flashback, I'll pull up one of his emails and interject it into something I'm writing, just to brighten the day - so just be on the look out for them - his spirit will never die. His wit, wisdom will always be with us
Thanks for taking this little walk down memory lane with me - And may all your memories of Jack Dawkins be filled with the treasures he shared so lovingly with us all.
My condolences to Olga and the girls, his family and all of us from Lincoln University who had the privilege and pleasure of attending school with him and continuing to call him friend.
Peace Be Unto Him
Stay Blessed &